


and the road gets tough

by she_who_the_river_could_not_hold



Series: Troped: Fic Challenge [7]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Road Trip, Angst, F/M, Mild Futuristic aesthetic, No really this is HEAVY angst, References to Depression, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, This is heavy Season 4!Harper story arc, the briefest of references to a hint of smut like it's not even really there, the vaguest implied sex you've ever read
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-03-23
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:34:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23271802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/she_who_the_river_could_not_hold/pseuds/she_who_the_river_could_not_hold
Summary: It’s the end of the world and Harper McIntyre is done running. She’s done fighting against a life that relentlessly keeps pushing her down. But she has her son to worry about and she desperately wants him to have a new life and to experience it all. When they hit the road, she’s helped by a kind stranger who changes the course of things. Monty Green represents a life she wished she had been able to have, but it might still be too late.
Relationships: Echo/Raven Reyes (brief), Monty Green/Harper McIntyre
Series: Troped: Fic Challenge [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1524449
Comments: 9
Kudos: 9
Collections: Chopped Madness





	and the road gets tough

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Round 1 for Chopped Madness! For this round our fic had to focus on Harper and the theme was angst. Trope 1 was “Strangers to Lovers” and trope two was “Road Trip AU.” 
> 
> This fic is rated Mature primarily because, as the summary and my warnings mention, it focuses heavily on Harper’s character arc of season four of not wanting to live anymore (facing the end of the world both in canon and in this fic). While I won’t be specifically diving into or using language of suicidal ideation, this is still a serious topic regardless so I wanted to give a warning beforehand. This was a hard topic to write emotionally but I hope I stayed true to Harper and her motivations as well as treating her and her choice respectfully! 
> 
> Title is from Lana Del Rey's song "Born to Die" and from the line, "Sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough, I don't know why" because it's painfully the soundtrack to this story.

Harper wished she had never met Monty Green.

A smiling face, a stranger in a time of need who had taken one look at her and her son and offered to drive them across the country. He was too good for this world and she hated feeling that warmth settle back into her bones after years of coldness. 

It was the end of the world that had spurred Harper to pack up what little her and her eight-year-old son had and take to the road. She wished it was hyperbole. 

The news had first broken two months ago that Earth was heading to an impending disaster with the melting of nuclear power plants. From there, scientists had determined they’d have a month to a month and a half at best to get off of the planet. With a whole factor of points that no one really understood, the population was divided up and assigned a group number. A one-way ticket to Mars to colonize a new home. Astronauts and scientists had been living there for at least a decade at this point but with what was going to be an influx of humanity, it had been determined to be best done in groups that went up at different times over the weeks. 

However it worked, Harper had found herself in the lower third of groups. She watched as stores slowly emptied and people disappeared if they had a higher group. Her suspicion was that richer, higher class people got to go up first. Unconfirmed, but a decent one to believe. 

Explaining it all to Jordan was near impossible. She couldn’t explain to him what it would mean to leave this life behind. To only live in special oxygen-quarantined compounds as scientists and architects doubled their efforts to expand living situations. That the Earth as they knew it would be destroyed forever and anyone who didn’t make it –– it was a guarantee there was no way to actually get everyone –– would die a painful, fiery radioactive death. 

Which was why she’d packed up all of their bags a week and half before their departure date, promising Jordan that they were going to go visit his aunties Raven and Echo and leave for Mars from Polis instead of Arkadia. 

He’d shrieked in excitement and darted off to line up his dinosaur plushies in order of importance, grouping them off like the country had done. He hummed space shuttle noises while he moved them about. 

What she didn’t tell him was that she wasn’t going. To Polis, yes. To Mars? 

Harper was done running. She was done fighting against a life that had clearly decided what it wanted to do with her. Even Jordan’s smile wasn’t enough to keep her going through all of this.

And neither was the infectious smile of one Monty Green. 

Because life hated her, Harper’s car broke down within their first day of driving to Polis. Just when she’d wanted to warn Jordan that  _ Mommy was about to scream into the air to feel better _ , a large tan electric Rover pulled up and Monty entered into their lives. He’d pulled over and after they assessed the damage and came to the conclusion that her car was officially done with, 

“Most people have been using the ALIExpress to get to the shuttle stops, surprised to see others on the road,” he had quipped as he helped load all of their stuff into his car. 

“We probably would have,” Harper had offered shyly, “but wanted to do one last drive in this old thing before heading up. Didn’t realize it would end that quickly.” 

That had gotten a laugh out of him and Harper had found that her smile was genuine.

She’d been nervous that their destination would take him off course of wherever he was going, but he’d quickly convinced her it wouldn’t be a problem. And it turned out he wasn’t just being nice – he was on one of the research teams that was helping send people to space which meant he had fair game to leave from whichever station. It was an unexpected blessing that made Harper feel like life was still giving her small moments.

Now that they were a couple days into the drive, she realized that Monty was actually another way for life to torture her. 

He and Jordan were currently talking about what life would be like on Mars, a particular favorite topic for her son. 

“Do you know how they’re helping enrich the food up on Mars?” Monty asked Jordan. The young boy puffed out his cheeks in concentration before shaking his head. “Algae,” Monty then explained triumphantly. 

Harper couldn’t help the slight gag at the thought and Monty winked at her. 

“It’s better than nothing, plus it’ll help make the food be better for you. I should know,” he added on quickly, his smile going from teasing to bashful. “I helped figure out the science behind it.” 

He hadn’t clarified that previously, with HOW involved he was, and Harper couldn’t help but punch him in the arm. He looked at her almost in surprise and she was shocked too at how much of her old self had just emerged, a breath of fresh air. 

“That would have been nice to have known,” she grumbled pleasantly. 

“And would you have treated me any differently if you had known I was a farmer?” he teased back. 

She stole a look at him, catching his eye just before he focused on the road again. 

“You’re a space farmer, that’s different,” she managed to say. 

He chuckled at that and then became distracted by a question that Jordan had about how hard it was to grow algae (it was apparently). He became animated as he described the process in figuring out the right recipe for it to not destroy the food it was being added to. Harper found herself no longer focused on the landscape around them but instead on him. Watching as he described his work with a passion that was inspiring.

The way he spoke with Jordan, without dumbing down what he was saying, gave her flashes of what it would be like if Monty had been his father. Instead of her hustling between jobs and being too tired to help him with homework, she could see Monty sitting at their tiny dining room table going over the answers with him. Taking him through each one and cultivating his passion for science and history. She did everything she could, but to have someone who really understood it would make such a difference.

The fantasy was almost too tangible –– in the way that she could see how he would look up when she came back in from work and the smile he would give her. If she hadn’t been a single mother, with him working for Eligius, she wouldn’t have had to work two jobs. She wouldn’t have been too tired and she’d sit down next to them and Jordan would rush to show her his latest project. A diorama of space, a story of the universe around them.

Harper had always been a dreamer. She was a romantic at heart, a trait her mother had admonished her for. 

While it was her romanticism of life that had kept her going this long, she did feel guilty about her thoughts this time though. A stranger who you had never meant to entangle in your life as you prepared to do what you knew was the only possible solution for yourself.

It was unfair to think about someone like that when you were preparing to send your son to space without his mother. 

When you were preparing to let the end of the world take you too.

* * *

“Hey Jordan, want to watch some of the shuttles go up?” Monty asked excitedly, quickly checking his watch before peering at Jordan through the rearview mirror. Jordan let out a  _ whoop _ and so they pulled the car to the side of the road. 

The three of them traipsed through the field alongside the road, Jordan running out ahead of them. The moon hung low in the sky that night and the stars were clearer. A possible result of a chunk of the population already being off the planet and letting the earth breathe before the eventual collapse of the planet. It was tragically beautiful and Harper felt a wave of melancholy overtake her. She didn’t have a chance to dwell on it though as a distant rumble began to swell around them and a shuttle rocket emerged on the horizon. 

It was a streak of white emerging into the sky and taking off into the deep violet expanse above them.

It was awe-inspiring to watch, Harper thought to herself as she tilted her head back to track it in the night sky. For such a large piece of metal, transporting some of civilization, to move so effortlessly through the sky. 

She didn’t realize she was crying until she felt Monty’s hand brush up against hers, slowly weaving his fingers in between hers. She couldn’t remember the last time someone had held her hand. 

When he mouthed at her asking what was wrong, she brushed him off.

She couldn’t tell him yet.

They were too attached to each other already and she didn't want either of them to resent the other yet. Not right now when she can indulge in all of this.

* * *

The trip continued on, cities and town blending into the landscape. 

The roads were scarce with the population amount dwindling on this planet, letting them make quicker progress than normal. But even with the shortened travel time, Harper still had time to get to know their new friend. 

And with Monty, the more she got to know him, the more she felt herself falling for him. As a friend and most likely something more, she couldn’t help herself. 

For someone that seemed so serious, he also made her laugh harder than she had in a long while. He had the wildest stories from when he was younger, leaving her hanging onto every word. No matter what he said though, there was a goodness to him that inspired her. A passion that was ignited in him that believed in a better life for everyone. She wished she had that in her. 

The couple times they stopped at hotels, she couldn’t avoid the feeling of intimacy. From brushing their teeth together and nearly knocking elbows, to whispering goodnight from across one bed to another as a sleeping Jordan lay curled up against her, it was difficult to extract the effect he was having on her.

Worse than her own feelings getting ahead of her though was the feeling that maybe he was beginning to feel the same way about her. Lingering stares and an earnestness that left her flustered like a schoolgirl with her first crush.

It was dangerous. 

But it was amazing.

She watched as he and Jordan became closer and closer, as his presence comforted her as they listened to scientists on the radio spoke about the impending disaster. He was a rock for her and she would have given anything to stay in the dreamy, liminal space of the highway and motels with his arm beside hers on the car’s console. 

Eventually their trip reached its conclusion though. Five days later and the programmed-in address was alerted as being to their left off of the main road. 

Nestled deep into the woods, the house was a long cement style that was nearly hidden amongst the foliage. The brutalist architecture slowly revealed itself and Monty let out a small gasp beside her. She smiled slightly at the sound. It had been years since she’d been here, normally the two women visited her instead. But it was always an amazing view to experience and she was still impressed with it even after all of this time.

The memo she had shot over that morning with their ETA meant that as they turned the final winding corner of the driveway, a smiling Raven Reyes was standing at the railing of their front porch with a mug of coffee in hand. 

“ McIntyre, get your ass over here!” She shrieked as soon as the car came to a stop, scrambling down the steps towards the car. Over the years she’d been improving the harness on her leg and with the advancement of technology being where it was at, she moved with an ease that was the closest she had since before the accident than she ever had before. 

Harper ran over to her and the two embraced tightly. A wave of emotions swept through her as she hugged her college roommate. 

The hug was interrupted by the arrival of Jordan throwing himself at Raven’s legs. With a whoop, she swung him around and the two dissolved into laughter. 

Catching Monty’s apprehensiveness, Harper quickly waved him over. 

“And who is this?” 

Raven’s look over back from Monty to Harper was all too knowing. 

“Raven, this is Monty. My car finally bit the dust and he was generous enough to drive us out here. Monty, this is Raven. She was one of my college roommates along with her girlfriend ––”

“Fiancé actually,” came a teasing voice from the porch, “but don’t worry, we still mess up and say girlfriends too.”

Echo was leaning up against the front door with her trademark smirk on, somehow still effortlessly looking chic amongst the end of the world. As they pulled up all of the suitcases, Harper stopped to also give her an equally large hug before entering the house. 

It hadn’t taken much convincing for Monty to just stick it out with them. And when he offered at dinner that he could just depart with Harper and Jordan, she’d nearly fled to the kitchen to clean up to mask her unshed tears. Other than that moment though, it felt like just another vacation to see loved ones.

Raven and Echo had an earlier departure than they did. Probably because Echo’s company Azgeda Enterprises had secured them a spot. But it meant that it was easier for her to lie to them. She wouldn’t have to pretend to leave for the shuttle with Jordan only to figure something out then, or find a way to convince them to let her go first. it wouldn’t have worked. 

But the day and a half they got to spend with them was still amazing, even its briefness. Monty got a side ache from laughing about their college stories and the shenanigans they got into. From accidentally starting a food fight to pissing off their RA, a grumpy senior named Bellamy, the stories were endless and they brought a lightness to the time. Jordan was doted on even more than normal, something he enjoyed immensely. They joked about what a wedding in space would be like as Raven admitted she was happy to have something with less extravagance that the average wedding on Earth called for. 

Soon enough though more goodbyes were held. If they thought Harper’s extra long hugs were out of character, neither of the women said anything as they prepared to leave for their shuttle. There were promises made to Jordan to make sure they found homes next to each other in the settlement they’d been assigned to, and Harper crossed her fingers behind her back as she shared his excitement. 

Everything from there had settled into a cosy routine. They stayed in the house with no reason to really venture out. The pantry was stocked with just enough food to get them through this last leg of their journey (something Harper knew she’d have to take care of once everyone left). The news became second nature to have on. Jordan especially liked watching the shuttles take off and the reports about how the colonies were doing. Reports from Mars always perked Monty up as he would point out people he had met before while doing his research. Harper let herself sink into the pleasure of no expectations and let herself fully focus on the two people left in her life. 

But as time often does, it all moved too quickly. Tomorrow, Jordan and Monty would go to the shuttle station in Polis and leave for Mars. The trip to humanity’s new home would take about five months, give or take depending on where each shuttle launched from. Harper knew that meant that she’d have been dead for at least four and a half months. What had originally just been numbers floating in her head were now becoming a stark reality. Her reality. 

After helping put Jordan to bed with one last story about space, Monty joined Harper in the living room for a drink. The house was quiet, cloaked in a rich blue hue thanks to the night around them. A cast of light from the moon shone through the floor to ceiling glass windows onto the cool flooring, Harper’s bare feet padding across the cement as she sat down next to Monty with a beer for each of them.

They were silent at first. It was achingly perfect how easily they could sit together without saying a word. Where was the universe where they got to be together and have a happy ending? 

Eventually the conversation extended from silence to anecdotes of how shocked their high school selves would be at all of this going on around them. Funny stories about Monty getting caught with weed at school and somehow talking his way out of it. But then the conversation began to steer in a direction that Harper was terrified of.

The future. 

“So, what are you looking forward to the most?” Monty took a slow sip of his beer.

Harper let out a long sigh, looking out towards the setting sun over the tree-filled horizon. It was bleeding into the sky with a fiery orange. She wondered if that was the color of what the sky would one day be in its entirety. Would she even be alive still to see the change? How quickly did radiation consume? 

“Harper?” His voice turned from conversational to anxious as he leaned towards her. “You okay?” 

“I’m –– I’m not going with.” 

The words stung coming out of her mouth.

Monty’s brow creased. “What do you mean you’re not going? It’s a mandatory evacuation.”

Why was he making this harder than it needed to be? 

“I know it is, but I’m not going. I’m staying here.” 

He couldn’t look anywhere near her and Harper could feel her heart breaking. She knew it. She knew that he would think she was a coward, he couldn’t hide the expression on his face even as he stared deeply outside. Her grip on the beer bottle turned her knuckles white. 

“What… what about Jordan?” Jaw tightly clenched, Monty cast his gaze back at her again. 

“I had planned for him to live with his aunts. They’re already his legal guardians if something happens to me. If you,” she paused briefly but forced herself to go on, “want to be a part of his life, I would be extremely thankful. He never got to have a real father figure in his life and this past week has meant the world for me to watch.”

She choked on the last sentence, the tears welling back up as her voice grew thick with emotion. Now she felt like she couldn’t get a read on what Monty was thinking.

He stayed silent for a little while longer. In reality it was maybe only minutes; to her it felt like it was a lifetime. 

“You’ve really thought this through.”

It wasn’t what she had been expecting him to say and her head shot up to look at him.

His face was still crestfallen, but there was now a level of sympathy to it. An understanding. He’d heard her stories of the despair and the death that had followed her through life. How many more times could she start over and be told that it would be the last time? To always be just fighting to survive without having the chance to truly enjoy the life she was scrabbling for? 

All she could do was nod. He gave a small one of his own, his eyes briefly falling down to his hands before looking back up at her. She couldn’t miss the way they flicked to her lips and back up again. 

“If this is what you really want, I don’t think I can stop you,” he said quietly. She shook her head. Sighing, he placed the beer bottle down onto the coffee table and edged his way closer to her cautiously.

“Well then, I guess I just have one selfish request.” He was leaning in towards her and she felt herself magnetized towards him, leaning in as well. 

“Can I kiss you?” 

She could feel his breath move across her skin as she turned in towards his face. 

They could both be selfish at the moment. Sure, he’d be going to Mars tomorrow but it was also the end of the world. It was the end of her. 

So she breathed out a yes as she closed the small space between them and kissed him. 

At some point the softness of their first kisses –– starting in the tentative way you learn the way someone new feels and moves –– became more intense. Heated and desperate. Mouths moving to track downwards alongside her neck while her hands raked through his hair. 

Nothing was close enough. Harper couldn’t remember the last time she had felt this intensely about someone. Not just the physical need but the innate trust in letting him see every raw part of her. His fingers were gentle as they traced the scar running down beneath her belly button from giving birth to Jordan. The scars that tracked her body were a roadmap for his mouth as she let out gasps of air, her body flooded with oxygen and her mind brighter than it had been in ages. It felt like a dance between them and somehow they both knew all of the moves.

Afterwards as Monty’s hand trailed up her spine, Harper let herself become lost in the moment. At this moment, there was only now. It was just the two of them in a cocoon of emotion that would only exist in this room. She knew it would be gone tomorrow –– Monty’s touch during it had felt as much like a goodbye as hers most likely had. He had accepted her decision. 

But for now, it was just the two of them in this universe. Intertwined by limb and heart.

* * *

The sun beating down on her lower back was warm as Harper leaned in to help buckle Jordan into the car. He whined that he was big enough to do it himself, but she couldn’t help herself. She needed to do it one last time. 

Her hands shook as she pulled back and she did her best to keep them hidden. 

“Monty said it’s an hour to the shuttle!” Jordan announced excitedly. “And soon we’ll be Martians!” 

“You’re going to love space,” Harper responded as she brushed some of his hair back. “Well just like I told you over breakfast, I’m going to be meeting with you and Monty later. Okay? Auntie Raven wanted me to go through their house one last time before we all left.”

Jordan nodded. He didn’t question why they couldn’t just wait for her and for that she was thankful. She had never been a strong liar and her love for her son made it nearly impossible.

From the front seat, Monty seemed to have finished setting up the GPS system. One more goodbye.

He stared at her for a beat, chewing his lip nervously. She could feel tears stinging in her eyes and as if he knew that she was about to bolt, he stepped forward and pulled her tightly to him. Their lips met in a bruising kiss and Harper knew it was too late for the tears to be stopped. Just whether she was feeling her own or Monty’s she wasn’t sure. 

The kiss deepened and she could feel Monty’s final plea with her in the strength of his grip on her waist and the searching of his mouth against hers. Chased an answer they both knew she wouldn’t give. Eventually they had to stop, her lips pulling from his with a strength she didn’t know she had in her. 

“Please, show him how to live. Show him how to live in ways that I never could,” she whispered against his cheek, a faint hint of stubble on his skin scratching against her lips. 

She clung tighter to him for a moment, letting herself soak up the heat of his body one last time, before pulling back.

She stole a glance at Jordan in the backseat of the car. He’d missed it all, his eyes glued to the old iPod that Monty had gifted him that morning for the ride. Furiously wiping the tears away from her face, she rolled her shoulders back to give Monty a watery smile. His returned one was half-hearted at best but she could tell he was reconstructing his face to look brave for Jordan. She hoped hers was convincing as she leaned over to wave at Jordan through the window. His eyes caught her movement and he waved back enthusiastically. The way his face lit up made her chest feel like it was caving in but she kept the smile painfully plastered to her face. 

The car hummed to life as Monty started it. He paused before reversing the car, giving her one last long look. 

It was impossible to decipher the swirling emotions on his face and she was sure hers mirrored him. Was there hesitation that he was going to get out of the car? What would she do if he did? Or was he going to respect her wishes and go? Take Jordan and help show him the universe and give him a direction?

Harper watched from the porch as the car pulled away.

She kept the heaving sobs in check until the car disappeared amongst the trees and down the winding driveway back to the main road. 

And then she collapsed to the ground.

She didn’t have any regrets with her decision; she knew it was the right one for her. But that didn’t stop the pain from ripping through her and coming out as a scream of anguish into the air. She didn’t know if she imagined the birds falling silent as she did. 

There was emptiness all around her. 

Rolling onto her back, Harper looked up at the sky. It was still a pale blue, morning still dawning around them. Wisps of clouds streaked across like faded paint strokes. For everything that this life had thrown at her, Earth really was beautiful. 

She took in a long, deep breath and closed her eyes. 

**Author's Note:**

> If this angst didn't make you hate me, don't forget to vote in this round's Chopped Madness over on Tumblr! And even if it did, you should definitely vote anyway for all of the other fics that I'm sure are amazing!
> 
>  **where else you can find me:** [Tumblr](https://she-who-the-river-could-not-hold.tumblr.com/) | [Twitter](https://twitter.com/the_river_held) | [my carrd](https://she-who-the-river-could-not-hold.carrd.co/)


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